Monday, December 17, 2007

Have Yourselves A Merry Little Christmas

I like to think I drink with panache and style, though I see my recent post has resulted in some upturned noses. Fuck them. Everyone else is compiling lists of their favourite books, albums, films, songs, random shite etc. of 2007 and I was feeling a little overawed by it all until I realised that there is one subject on which I am an authority and can write with assured confidence. Booze.

Rosie's Top 10 Tipples
(complete with tips for the cautious drinker)

in joint Second Place we have:

Wine (White)
I don't like it as much as red wine, but it has a significant advantage in that it doesn't make you look like you've been chewing ink cartridges and it doesn't stain too badly when you spill it.

Wine (Red)
Delicious, it has an advantage in that it may be enjoyed at room temperature and won't go flat if you forget about it for a while. It does, however, stain your lips and teeth an unattractive shade of purple, and those pesky stemmed glasses make it an ideal candidate for spilling all over yourself and/or someone else.

Buckfast and Bulmers
Unclassy as they come, she does what it would say on her tin. If she had one. It's probably illegal to mix Buckfast and Bulmers, two offensive beverages in their own rights. But like tomato ketchup and mayonnaise, their sum is greater than their parts.

Vodka and White (Lemonade)
My staple. Lemonade without vodka tastes plain wrong, sickly sweet, no bite to it at all. The White is a way to make sure you avoid a peculiar brand of nastiness we have here in Ireland, Red Lemonade. It tastes of Christmas gone bad, of school plays, of long hours visiting an old maiden aunt whose house smells faintly of cat piss. Barmen should never ever pour red lemonade without asking "are you sure?"

Gin and West Coast Cooler
West Coast Cooler is a sickly sweet white wine spritzer with hints of perfume and rubbing alcohol, but mixed with a heavy shot of good gin (Tanqueray no. 10, preferably) it is very very good. I've even had my mother drink it with me on occasion (though with her not being much of a drinker, the results were predictably disastrous).

Tia Maria and Milk (with Kahlua and/or Vodka as optional extras)
I think this is some variation on a White Russian. Whatever, it's fucking tasty.

Gin and Bitter Lemon
Has quite a kick to it. I don't like tonic, the bitter lemon makes a nice alternative.

Jaegermeister and Red Bull

For when you think you haven't had enough to drink, but you clearly have. Known as jaegerbombs, dropping the small shot glass of Jaegermeister into the glass of Red Bull inevitably leaves me covered in sticky mess. It tastes like cola bottles though. Alcoholic, caffeine-filled cola bottles. Yum.

***New***Vodka with Lemonade, Lime Cordial and Water
I invented this one out of necessity on Saturday night. It's much much better than it sounds.

but First Place goes to:

Campari and Orange Juice
Bitter as bitter can be, this drink has a pleasing blood orange hue and a whiff of danger about it. Barmen will look at you askance for ordering it, friends will ask to taste it. Let them, but pull the glass away sharply as they will either spit it back up immediately or worse, demand another "taste". One to sort the men from the boys, the wheat from the chaff and the ladies from the gents.

17 comments:

backpedalbrakes said...

Word on the gin & bitter Rosie, I am a fan. Its main advantage for me is that I can drink about ten of them without falling over... until I hit fresh air.

Rosie said...

i'd highly recommend you try the campari & oj in that case. you're obviously a discerning woman of taste.

red said...

Possibly my favourite end of year list so far. One For The Road had me for a bit, but his was too weepy. This has the desired list effect- makes me want to go out and try every item on it pronto. I've been a very boring drinker all year- thank you for the inspiration. You have given new meaning to my drinking.

Primal Sneeze said...

I'd forgotten the West Coast Cooler. Connemara Fridges we used call them.

AJ said...

Theres drinks other than Vodka, more Vodka and insane amounts of Vodka?
Fuck Me !!
Well ya learn something new everyday.

Even learned a new word today, "askance", cheers Rosie.

Definitions of askance on the Web:
with suspicion or disapproval; "he looked askance at the offer"

ps does it make me sound retarded admitting the fact that I never heard that word before ? Just curious...

OneForTheRoad said...

Red Lemonade may taste foul with the vod, but it's a tip top hangover cure.

Red: How dare you turn on me like that!

Rosie said...

Red, next time you're home we're going out.

Primal, your puns are truly awful. keep it up.

AJ; if anyone ever looks askance at you for being special, kick them in the goolies.

OneFor, don't be such a fucking girl. and invite me to your party.

conortje said...

Oh this is fabulous - I love it, love it, love it! I make a mean Campari mix with soda and a splash of rasberry juice - You'd love it I'm sure! I also really love the idea of alcoholic cola bottles mmmmm

tallulahbloom said...

Jaegermeister and Red Bull - OOoo I have drunk this one too many times, known as a red light special here in Amsterdam. Fab list!!

Caro said...

Jagermeister is evil devil snot.

Apart from that it's a great list.

Manuel said...

and finish it with port.....mmmmmmmmmmport

Rosie said...

*ahem* Manuel showing his age there...

The Blakkat said...

Agree with caro on jagermister being evil devil snot - I punched a cop after imbibing a jagerbomb and was arrested with three counts of assault. EVIL DEVIL SNOT! - other than a comprehesive & informative list, well done!

laurie said...

white wine. nothing but white wine, and plenty of it....

laurie said...

oh, and the occasional beer.

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