Monday, April 07, 2008

Dating Service

I see that that Disgrace has been pondering his single status of late, which I suppose makes a change from him just muttering direly about his last relationship.
My honeymoon period as novelty single guy has come to an end. I'm now becoming an embarrassing loveless lump of drunken typical single sleaze bag.
[in conclusion] Ok girls, come and get it...
This has me thinking once more about blogging as a dating strategy. I read recently (via JazzBiscuit) about the British Psychological Society's advice to women on choosing an online dating name, advice which seemed to support my previous feminist(ish) rant about men not being attracted to clever or funny women. "She advised female lonely hearts to avoid screen names which attempt to be classy, or show how clever they are."

I've had two affairs* as a result of this blog, though you know that already. It makes for an interesting way to meet someone and I'm not sure if I prefer it to conventional methods (getting wankered and seeing what fate has to offer by way of entertainment). I met LC sight unseen and took my chances, I ended up spending two fantastic long weekends with him. I went out as a pretend friend with OneFor (whom I had met once before but didn't pay any mind to) and ended up sticking my fingers in his beard and asking him to kiss me.

Neither of my affairs were disasters, exactly, but nor were they raging successes; I still sleep alone. Both were short lived and disappointing in their way, both were a little easier because they keep blogs too (and I had read them) so I knew more or less what I was letting myself in for and both were a little more difficult because they had read my blog (and it was far too late to try to make a good impression). It can make for frustrating conversation, having your own flippant remarks and faux pas quoted back to you almost verbatim. It also drastically reduces your stock of witty anecdotes with which to fill conversational lapses, "I read that!" effectively unravelling your yarn and leaving you looking like a one-trick pony.

I'm not sure how accurate a picture I paint of myself with my writings here (SWF reckons I'm pretty true to form) but I do try to be classy and even when recounting my most idiotic adventures I try to do it in an articulate and clever manner. Because I find classy and clever attractive, though I suspect my definitions of both are a little different to the ones one might find in a dictionary. So am I fishing for romance through my blog, in some long winded form of online dating?

In between odes to my family, my friends and the demon drink, maybe.

*What else to call them? They were neither relationships nor one night stands. Can anybody suggest a more suitable term? (Note: anyone suggesting "thing" will be barred.)

36 comments:

Paul Heron said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Fakey said...

without the bitter, the sweet don't taste so sweet.

Like Disgrace, it'll happen.

david santos said...

Hello, Rosie!
I loved this post and this blog.
Have a nice day.

National Disgrace said...

I'd call them 'friendly events'..

You've got me thinking now too...

AJ said...

"I find classy and clever attractive"

Awww fuck it. So ya don't find crass, tasteless and kinda stoopid attractive ? Bollix!

Hope all girls aren't like that or I'm fucked ...or not as the case may be.

Rosie said...

true, Paul, but what if one lives one's life as an articulate and cynical romantic, living from one 'friendly event' to the next?

true too, Fakey. but i'm tired of the lemons.

thanks, David...

'friendly events'!

no, i don't find crass, tasteless and kinda stoopid attractive, AJ. many women seem to though, so you're probably in luck somewhere.

CopperFace Jacks, i imagine. or Burger King.

Paul Heron said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rosie said...

it is, Paul. trouble is, i embark on each friendly event with an honest sense of optimism (usually unwarranted) and so rarely realise that they're no more than friendly events until after the fact.

yes, i am that naive.

i write a sex column, not an advice column... i'm the last person anyone should come to for advice. pity the fool reading that column looking for any kind of prescriptive message!

aonghus said...

Céard faoi ríomhfeiseanna? ;-)

(Tá ríomhaithne ann cheana)

Tá stair ag intelligetnt & classy....

http://www.sengoidelc.com/node/236

Ciarán said...

If I can't call it a "thing", how about a "fling"? (Unless I'm missing out on an in-joke here.)

Dála an scéil, bhí mé amuigh i gclub Gaeilge oíche Aoine anseo i mBéal Feirste agus luadh tú féin agus do bhlag (bhain sé leis an iris sin agus "An Cailín sa gCathair").

Sílim go bhfuil sé cothrom a rá gur féidir blaganna den chineál seo a úsáid ar mhaithe le do shaol grá (agus meallann an Ghaeilge daoine freisin).

Jayne said...

I was going to suggest fling but I see Ciarán beat me to it. Dang. How about a bit of hanky panky or how's your father. No?

Not me. Them.

ok I'll go now...

Rua said...

*yoke

Rosie said...

go raibh maith agat as ucht an nasc, Aonghus, is breá liom an dán! agus is breá liom freisin go mbíonn tú féin agus Ciarán ag fágáil bhur marcanna anseo i ngaeilge.

Ciarán - cad a bhí á rá acu???
[seas siar, a chairde, fad agus go n-atann an ego]

fling, hanky panky, how's your father, yoke (Rua???) - none of them capture the emotional involvement (be it one-sided or no). Aonghus' suggestion would be fine if it remained virtual, but these affairs were of the fleshly variety...

Jayne, email me a photo and i'll consider it :-)

aj@lecraic said...

Would coquetry describe it?

aonghus said...

Bhuel, tosaíonn sé san gnéasán domhanda, agus ansin...

Brí nua le ríomhchlárú....

(Táimse pósta le fada - roimh ré an idirlín, mar sin táimse slán ón mbuairt airithe seo. )

Ciarán said...

Bhuel, bhain achan duine ar labhair mé leo faoi an-taitneamh as an cholún gnéis. Tá achan duine (mé féin san áirithe) ag tnúth go mór leis an chéad alt eile.

Bhí mé ag caint leis an eagarthóir (sílim gur eisean an t-eagarthóir, ar a laghad) mar shíl mé gur chóir go mbeadh alt mar sin ann do na fir. Ansin thig mé go bhfuil muidne cosúil le madaí - i bhfad níos fusa le sású ná na mná "uaisle agus cliste" cosúil leat féin.

Bhí a fhios aige go raibh aithne éigin agam ort fríd an bhlag seo. (Tá sé ag coinneáil súl ar dhaoine, nó tá mise ag éirí paranóideach. Gabh mo leithscéal, níos paranóidí.)

Sin é, is rí-réalt mór thú i saol na Gaeilge anois.

For the non-Gaeilgeoirí, Rosie is now a superstar in Irish language circles.

Katie said...

So if you use blogging as a means of finding romance, can the people who comment on your blog also advertise their singleness?? Please??

Rosie said...

ná bí ag maíomh, Aonghus...

a Chiarán, bhíos ag súil go mbainfeadh na fir oiread taitneamh as an gcolún agus mná. bhfuil an colún ró bhaineann, dóigh leat? an gá dom níos mó freastal a dhéanamh ar na fir?

táim idir dhá chomhairle maidir le hábhar Babhta #2, "comhrá collaíochta", "tábhacht na toise" (nó na toirte?) nó grúmaeireacht mhná (waxing fashions agus eile). moltaí? comhairle?

agus léann sé an blag, sin an dóigh go bhfuair mé an gig ar an gcéad dul síos. ná bí paranoid! (ní tusa atá á scríobh...)

Katie, absofuckinglutely. i'm going to add a new section in the sidebar for singles. submit your vital statistics, losers!

Ciarán said...

Ní shílim go bhfuil an colún ró-bhaineann. Bhain mé an-sult as, bhí sé suimiúil agus greannmhar agus thug sé radharc dom ar chuid den saol nach mbeadh eolas againn air mar fhir. Bhí mé ag smaoineamh go mbeadh sé suimiúil dá mbeadh fear ábalta an taobh s'againne den chollaíocht a léiriú ar an bhealach céanna, ach ní mheasaim go smaoinímid ar na cúrsaí sin ar bhealach chomh forbartha libhse.

Bheadh "comhrá collaíochta" agus "tábhacht na toise" an-suimiúil domsa ar a laghad sa chéad eagrán eile. An bhfuil caint shalach i gceist leis an chéad cheann? Agus cé chomh tábhachtach agus atá tois/toirt? Tá mé sásta le mo chuid féin ach ní bhíonn deis agam de ghnáth é a chur i gcomparáid le cinn eile.

Cad faoi alt sa todhchaí faoi chaint a chur ar dhaoine, agus na líntí is breá/fuath leat, agus an dóigh a fhaigheann/roghnaíonn tú leannán? An áit is fearr le leannán a mhealladh. Cé chomh breá/olc agus atá quickies/flings/short-term emotional involvements. Nó an bhfuil sin ró-dhírithe ar chaidreamh seachas gnéas?

An mbíonn tú imníoch in am ar bith bheith ag labhairt go hoscailte faoi do shaol gnéis? An mbíonn tú buartha in am ar bith go dtabharfaidh daoine 'striapach' ort? Go háirithe nuair atá geis go fóill ann do mhná ach ar ndóigh níl a leithéid ann do fhir. An bhfuil taithí agat air sin? B'fhéidir go dtig leat píosa a scríobh faoi fhimíneacht na collaíochta.

Rosie said...

"ní mheasaim go smaoinímid ar na cúrsaí sin ar bhealach chomh forbartha libhse." cinnte go ndéanann! tá go leor blaganna amuigh ansin mar chruthúnas air. ní fheadar bhfuil gaeilge ag éinne acu???

ní maith liom "caint shalach" mar thearma... i mbéarla nó i ngaeilge.

"caint a chur ar dhaoine" - chat-up lines, an ea? ní minic a chloisim iad! sílim go bhfuil siad beagáinín as faisean. seans go bhfuil na ceisteanna eile dírithe níos mó i dtreo caidreamh ná collaíocht, ach feicfimid.

"An mbíonn tú imníoch in am ar bith bheith ag labhairt go hoscailte faoi do shaol gnéis? An mbíonn tú buartha in am ar bith go dtabharfaidh daoine 'striapach' ort?" cinnte, an t-am ar fad. scríobhfaidh mé faoi, ach gach seans go bhfoilseoidh mé anseo é mar go mbeidh sé pearsanta go leor.

braithim uait go bhfuil fonn ort colún a scríobh tú féin!

Terence McDanger said...

Tryst.

Am I too late?

Rosie said...

better late than never, Terence. i like 'tryst', it has an almost onomatopoeic feel to it.

*sniggers*

aonghus said...

Téann an forrán collaí i bhfad siar

http://www.sengoidelc.com/node/35

Agus cé hé a dúirt gurb é caint ar chollaíocht (béalghrá?) an tuiscint Éireannach ar oral sex?

Maidir leis an fimínteacht faoi chollaíocht, drochnós fadbhunaithe sin.

Aontaíom 100% leat maidir le caint shalach - tá an focal salach i nGaeilge níos cruinne fiú na dirty an Bhéarla - agus tá raidhse tearmaí ann do chollaíocht, macnas, ....

Ciarán said...

cinnte go ndéanann! tá go leor blaganna amuigh ansin mar chruthúnas air.

Really? An bhfuil nasc ar bith agat? An mbíonn siad ag maíomh faoi na cailíní a bhí acu agus an ráiméis sin nó an bhfuil rud eile i gceist leo?


ní maith liom "caint shalach" mar thearma... i mbéarla nó i ngaeilge.

Gabh mo leithscéal. Tá náire orm anois as drochGhaeilge a úsáid.


cinnte, an t-am ar fad. scríobhfaidh mé faoi, ach gach seans go bhfoilseoidh mé anseo é mar go mbeidh sé pearsanta go leor.

Tuigim. Caithfear troid in aghaidh an nóis sin gan amhras.


braithim uait go bhfuil fonn ort colún a scríobh tú féin!

Níl aon scéal le hinsint agam i ndáiríre. B'fhéidir go bhfuil mé sásta taithí a fháil trí ionadaí ('vicariously'?) ar rudaí mar seo.

Sílim go bhfuil an fhoghlaim nó léann seo ríthábhachtach do fhir óga an lae inniu!

Rosie said...

bheinn buíoch as aon treoir a bheadh agat ó thaobh na tearmaíochta de, Aonghus. óir nach bhfuil gaeilge chraicneach agam tá baol ann go roghnóinn téarmaí nach bhfuil sa chaint ar chor ar bith...

níor thuig mé ariamh gur sin an brí atá le macnas!

ní drochGhaeilge í, a Chiarán, ach nach maith liom an nóisean go bhfuil sí "salach". rud pearsanta, sin uile. maidir le blaganna collaíochta á scríobh ag fir, taithníonn an ceann seo go mór liom:
http://monmouth.blogspot.com/

ar ndóigh tá http://todgertalk.blogspot.com/ ann freisin, bíonn stuff maith ann ó am go chéile.

Ciarán said...

Go raibh maith agat a stór.

aonghus said...

Cé go bhfuil mo sháith miangais agam, mar fear pósta meánaosta seachnaím an t-ábhar de ghnáth.

'Ó Ghlíomáil go Giniúint - Foclóir na Collaíochta' atá uait, ach is cosúil go bhfuil sé as cló.

Coiscéim (cé eile) a d'fhoilsigh.

Rosie said...

tá cóip agam!

aonghus said...

Beidh tú ag cuir na deá théarmaí thar nais sa chaint le'd cholún mar sin.

Bean baolach thú, is léir!

Rosie said...

not at all, Aonghus. i'm all bark and no bite.

Darragh Doyle said...

I've come to this quite late which is a pity cos it's an interesting concept.

To be honest, surely it's better to be attracted to someone's intellect, expressions, rants and desires, their passions and their preledictions as an introduction rather than seeing someone and thinking "ooh"

Because that "ooh" is often ruined by the amount of make up, the voice, the attitude, the manners (or lack of them) and so on.

Rosie, if you ARE looking for romance through your blog, so the hell what? Great way of showing that you're a really cool person and for someone to get to know you. If only everyone came with such a window into parts of their mind!

If you ARE starting a singles section (as Katie said), stick me in ;-)

Rosie said...

better late than never, Darragh. you're right about attraction but the oooh factor is just as important, i feel, and it isn't something you should have to go looking for.

i'm looking for romance through my blog in the same way that i look for romance in everything i do - not necessarily consciously but because that's how i am. a sack...

i was lying about putting in a singles section, of course. i'm far too lazy and socially irresponsible. the only ones to declare interest were yourself and Katie, so...

[nudge, wink, etc.]

Darragh Doyle said...

Maybe I'm misunderstanding you or maybe I'm misrepresenting what I mean here re the "ooh" factor - it's just that I don't think it should be JUST that (physical attraction) that makes the initial impression - so I'm not altogether sure by what you mean by having to go looking for it. But then I'm stoopid and in need of coffee...

A sack? Interesting image. Don't get it but interesting nonetheless.

As for the singles section - boo hiss etc.

Rosie said...

i see you say ooh and i say oooh. interesting.

i was referring to my occasional practice of convincing myself of a (non-existent) physical attraction to someone that i'm attracted to in every other way. it's a disaster and i wouldn't recommend anyone try it.

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