Bikini waxing: a not-strictly-necessary evil* that hovers somewhere between smear tests and root canal treatment on the scale of things I don't want to do on a Wednesday evening. I decided to try a new salon this time, having fallen into a bad habit of overexposing myself to Sinéad in the place across the road with my panicked witterings while she waxed (she burned my skin the last time and I'm not entirely sure it was accidental). So to Urban Wax for what proved to be a markedly less traumatic experience than some of my previous adventures - though no matter how reassuring and professional a beautician is, pouring hot wax over my ladybits and ripping it off again before she goes for the finish with tweezers and a determined look is never going to endear her to me.
*Unfortunately vaginae with sideburns just aren't in at the moment.
27 comments:
Had to undergo the same torture last week and therefore went to a wedding on Saturday with red circles burned into my armpits. I'd almost have preferred the ladybits damaged - at least they weren't on display (and didn't have the underwired bit of my bra digging in them every time I moved).
I hate the summer.
Have you tried waxing yourself?I managed with those waxing strips you warm up between your hands.Less embarassing and less painful than a salon AND it works.
Apocryphally, Ruskin had a mini-breakdown on his wedding night, when he discovered his wife had pubes. (His sole contact with the naked female form up to that point had been in Classical and Renaissance art, where all the women are depilated.)
The way things are going, I reckon there are a few young men who might get a similar shock when they get to do it with a real lady for the first time. "B-b-but... they don't look like that on YouPorn..."
Hmmm, as a fashion I think it is highly dubious. And sweet christ it must hurt like a bastard. Stop! Stop the madness!
"pouring hot wax over my ladybits and ripping it off again before she goes for the finish with tweezers"
Ouch !
To misquote Catatonia- Everyday when I wake up I thank the lord I don't have to wax. (I'm very fair with very little body hair- is that too much detail???)
Or at the very least everytime I read posts like this I feel thankful.
I've no idea why I'm in here.. I should probably leave now, right?
@ Jayne - underarm waxing's just not worth it.
@ Jane - been there, tried that, resulted in me sitting in a hot bath crying salty tears of pain while i tried to melt the wax off rather than endure any more pain.
Tim, you have all the best stories! you're right though, it is (i'm reliably informed) becoming the norm to be waxed or shaven. though i've not yet been confronted with shock and confusion (i'm normally of the "real lady" variety).
my personal preference is certainly for a little fleece. i'm not generally a fan of hollywoods (and i think brazilian waxes are just stupid looking - very unattractive) but this was yet another of my experiments in fashion. i haven't decided yet if i like it or not. the added sensitivity is not something i had considered before but it's proven, um, interesting.
Redser, look who you're talking to. TMI is not in my vocabulary.
Disgrace, i'm not sure why you're here either, but i like that you are.
Vaginae with sideburns.
I read that bit first and the rest of the post was kind of a distracted blur.
Elvis the Pelvis indeed.
I can never quite get my head around this. Like, I can't imagine ever walking into a hairdressers, whipping off the trousers and going "So, these are my balls. Dry cut is fine, and if you could do some layering that'd be champion." Although my balls would look fetching with a nice side-parting.
(I'm mostly commenting because reading a post like this and not letting the author know I've read it seems kind of pervy. It seems I have a lot of hang-ups today.)
two mental images that will stay with me for the day, gentlemen, thank you. reading blogs is in itself a little pervy, EM, but sure we're all at it.
i realise that i alienate about 70% of my readership every time i write a post about my vagina but, well, they come back eventually.
right, GingerBeard?
underarm waxing's just not worth it.
I'm assured that the thicket will gradually be reduced to a little bit of downy fluff some day. Probably when I'm too old to appreciate it at the current rate.
Although, frankly, I'm nearly at that stage now...
No no no!!! Waxing is just wrong..and self waxing? I have no words..why would you do that to yourself?
Can I introduce you to immac? Much better - no pain or exposing your parts to a stranger plus you don't have to wait for regrowth to get to a certain length before using it again.
Gingerbeard will be scarred for life now eh?
it's a lie, sweetie, a dirty lie. i kept it up for quite a while but never noticed any real difference in the regrowth.
Katie, i think you've probably successfully scarred him, your other brother and maybe even your ma. i see where you're coming from with the immac but i hate it with a passion, it stinks, it leaves stubble, it's messy and it gives me a rash. big thumbs down. i'd rather a bit of hot wax any day.
I'm too chicken to go for the waxing job. Though if I was really as chicken as I say I am then surely a farm to be plucked would be more relevant than a salon and .... I'll shut up now.
I wish I'd made Tim's comment. Any reference to Puskin is good.
I don't think I'd fair well with a bikini wax, I can barely pluck random hairs off the back of my neck without wincing.
looks around at bottles and tubs and tubes of things guaranteed to keep me young and beautiful*
Are you telling me the whole beauty industry is a big fat lie? NOoooooooooooooo!
* well, passable in a dim light if we're being honest...
I LOVE urban wax. Well as much as you can love a place where they inflict the above mentioned pain. But you can watch chick flicks, grey's anatomy to distract yourself.
I just bought their 'no scream cream', i'm intrigued to know if next time it's going to make a difference
What a lovely vivid description. I'm not enjoying these maltesers as much now.
This post reminds me of the last time you posted about getting waxed. I was talking to my boss about it (she's a girl) and how you mentioned that there were mirrors eveywhere basically you were looking at yourself when getting waxed. She responded that "they don't have mirrors like that where I get my.." then she stopped midsentence and obviously came to the realisation that maybe she shouldn't be talking about this stuff with someone who works for her. I had to bite to lip hard to keep from laughing my asss off.
I just don't know where to look.... :-)
like most things in life, Pinkie, it's never as bad as you think it's going to be.
random hairs on the back of your neck, Billy? leave em be. you'll do yourself an injury otherwise. besides, men should be as hairy as possible, even if it is sprouting from unlikely places.
not all of it, Jayne. but the underarm waxing is definitely a cod, and a painful one at that.
let me know, Ellie.
glad to be of assistance, AJ, though what my vagina has to do with your malteasers i'm not quite sure.
glad to know i've become watercooler fodder, Neil.
Conor - the general rule seems to be, as ever, "don't look down".
I can't say I've ever had any comments from any of my, erm, 'more intimate acquaintances' on that part of my anatomy, despite having experimented with various different, erm, 'styles'. Which leads me to conclude that it is ALL A CONSPIRACY DON'T FALL FOR IT LADIES.
Re. Tim's comment, I always understood that that was why Ruskin divorced Effie - she was 'abnormal' - thus freeing her up for an undoubtedly more satisfying relationship with J.E. Millais.
but a conspiracy on whose part, Patroclus???
i haven't had comments from any of my more intimate acquaintances on that part of my anatomy either, also despite having experimented with various different styles. they tend to be a little distracted at that point of the proceedings.
the Ruskin and Effie tale is fascinating, i never knew anything about either of them. if wiki is to be trusted (!) it seems that she may have initiated the annullment. good on her.
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