Sunday, June 08, 2008

Asps and Asses' Milk

Over a Sunday afternoon vodka some weeks ago Annie told me she thought I was beautiful and asked if she could photograph me. Honestly, it's not as gay as it sounds. I agreed, because either she has extraordinarily good-looking friends or she has a very good eye for a flattering photograph, and I would very much like at least one picture of me that I can consider flattering. Knowing that I'm camera shy, she promised that it would be informal, no pressure.

Then we went for Friday night vodkas. And now I'm to be photographed in a bath of milk. The conversation as I remember it went a little something like this - "I'm gee-eyed." "No! You're doe-eyed!" "No, I'm gee-eyed." "No! You're doe-eyed!" "No, I'm gee-eyed..." (repeat ad nauseum). There were concerns about how much it will actually cost us to fill a bath with milk ("and it'll cover your hollywood!" exclaims Annie, not very reassuringly) and a worrying suggestion from Gimme that we could ask shopkeeps for their on-the-turn milk for free (I think he even offered to drive us around the shops).

We don't have a bathtub either.

22 comments:

Tara said...

well, she seems well meaning, at least.

Thriftcriminal said...

I sense a slight lack of planning.

Annie Rhiannon said...

Having sobered up, I realise that filling a bathtub (with legs, which we don't have) full of milk will be a production design nightmare. Maybe we can fill the tub with weights so we need less milk. Also, it will be cold, and you'll have to sit in it looking seductive. Maybe there's some milk-like substance we can add to the water to turn it white. They probably sell something like that in the Body Shop.

Gimme was going to do the driving, yes, but I forget who was supplying the asp.

Sorry, forgot this was supposed to be informal.

backpedalbrakes said...

Plus, there's the smell to consider as the milk warms up... Raki turns water white, no? Couple of shots of that might do the trick.

Annie said...

Ouzo! Pernod! Pastis! Just don't let her get too sozzled and drown in the bathtub.

Annie Rhiannon said...

Er... isn't ouzo a little more expensive than milk? At least it won't go off.

Rosie said...

she's well-meaning personified, and we have the plans, just not the means! Annie, my nana does not in fact still have that bathtub, i forgot that she had a shower put in when Grandad was ill.

as for milk alternatives... what about water soluble poster paint? (i'm in a sensible mood, and i don't like aniseed flavoured booze). we still need to borrow someone's bath though.

Tara said...

you can borrow my bath anytime but it's not a cheap flight, girls.

conortje said...

Don't they use white paint when filming milk commercials? Not that I'm suggesting ye do they same :-)

By the way I can TOTALLY see why Annie would want to photograph you!

Billy said...

I'm sure there's some fake milk substitute you could use. If I worked in films I could tell you what they use...

Bath salts of some description?

Rosie said...

thanks, Tara. it'd probably be cheaper to buy a bath, though.

Conor, you dirty flatterer. when are you coming to visit dublin again? i'll buy you a pint for that.

using paint depends on whose bath it is, i suppose.

Annie Rhiannon said...

I've emailed Zee Zee, who writes homebug.net. She looks the type who would most definitely have a bath with legs. Although I'm pretty sure she's also the type who wouldn't want it filled with milk-like substances. She is yet to reply.

problemchildbride said...

Powdered milk?

A wee spot of Dettol in water makes it look milky. Skimmed-milky.

Primal Sneeze said...

Brand new cast iron bath available. Black outer. Legs like gargoyle's feet/claws. Placed away from wall, so access on 3 sides.

No milk or milk substitute though.

Conan Drumm said...

Find a bath in a skip and shoot the pic in situ. Either that or go talk to one of those bathroom shops, unlikely that thay'll have one plumbed-in but you never know your luck.

You could just change your Cleopatra hair style and go for a different set up?

Rosie said...

skimmed milky won't quite have the opacity i'm hoping for, Sam, but i like the powdered milk idea!

Primal, my people will be in touch...

Conan, the thought of going to a showroom and asking them if i can strip off and sit in one of their baths fills me with all sorts of horror.

i didn't think my hairstyle was cleopatra at all... so when this all goes tits-up, i'm blaming Gimme.

Annie Rhiannon said...

Primal, that sounds perfect. Is there natural light in the bathroom? I don't have a flash. I like the sound of a black outer.

Conan Drumm said...

Wear togs, or a toga, or seven veils.

Primal Sneeze said...

@Annie One large window. Buy a flash though. Just in case. I'm not knocking out walls.

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