Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Chesty La Rue

Dedicated to dedicated self-medicator Billy, who dedicated a post to me this week (which made me feel flattered, even if it had fuck-all to do with me at all. Yes, folks, it's that easy).

Last night as I lay dreaming, my spirit lover stood looking down at me. He cupped my chin in his hand and raised my face to look at him. "You" he breathed "inspire carpets". Later on that same dream, I stood in front of the bathroom mirror, brushing my teeth when I felt one come loose and promptly puked the rest of them into the sink.

"You should get your dreams analyzed" said the New Daddy, helpfully, sending on a link to a website that would do just that. So I had a browse, and it told me that the compliment (I think it was a compliment, and the site had nothing about carpets) means that I... *deep breath* desire romance (!) but I may have uttered some false or foul words and those words are coming back to haunt me (could be anything, really). Dreaming that I am brushing my teeth also signifies my level of confidence (which depends on the hour, and the breakfast), my struggles (minor, at most) and my aggressiveness (which also depends on the hour, and the breakfast). Apparently I need to look out for myself and my own interest and most of all, I need to quit feeling sorry for myself.

Dream analysis, like astrology, is a load of wank.

So this afternoon on my way home from work I stopped off to see my friend the Pharmacist for something to guarantee a good night's sleep clear my awful chesty cough. "Have you ever taken Exputex before?" the new and nosy lady asked. I suppressed a guilty grin (it happens to be the base ingredient in my not-yet-patented cold remedy) and managed a sickly nod. "When did the cough start?" oh... eh... *cough* (apologetic look and some more unconvincing muttering about it keeping me awake last night). "Well, just take three spoonfuls three times daily for the first two days - " At this point I had my hands out in supplication. Just give me the fucking bottle, lady.

We're tucked up in bed now, Exputex and I. And we're going to sleep well.


problemchildbride said...

Exputex? Are you serious? Is that a real product? God, I hope it's not green. Or thick.

Lottie said...

Exputex is marvelous - in a really yucky way. You will feel better in now time.

alan said...

feel better soon!

Although didn't Freud say all dreams were about sex?

Conan Drumm said...

Wasn't there a band called Inspiral Carpets?

I've a bit of a gloop in the back of the throat thing myself at the mo, I think it's the weather or mild pollen reaction or something. Will research your cure-all.

Jayne said...

Losing your teeth (rather than brushing) is often analysed as a fear of aging and the loss of attractiveness and sexual appeal.

Not that I'm trying to depress you or anything - especially as you're a veritable spring chicken compared to me. *checks teeth*

LC said...

Freud said that all dreams represent wish fulfillments, but the representation may be disguised and require psycho-analysis to uncover its true meaning. The reason for this is that often the wish that is being fulfilled is a repressed, unconscious desire that your ego might not be able to openly express.

But then, he pretty much said the same thing about all kinds of artistic endeavour (like blogging, for example), so you'd do just as well to analyse your writing to uncover the hidden secrets of your psyche and whatnot. If you believe any of that gubbins, that is.

Rosie said...

i'm serious, it's real, it's thick, but i'm not sure what colour it is because i swig it straight from the bottle.

and it tastes delicious.

i accept no responsibility, Conan. but i hope you feel better soon.

thanks, Jayne! and it's not even my birthday!

so your analysis would be, Dr. Freud? last night's dream saw me beaten (bruised), tattooed (half sleeves on both arms and across my breasts and upper back) and chased around an old theatre by a werewolf (teen wolf syle). who did not eat me when he caught me.

you couldn't make this up.

JL Pagano said...

Maybe when Freud said dreams were about sex, he meant to say they were about Exputex, making it the very first Freudian slip which is why it was named after him in the first place.

Or maybe I'm just full of crap.

Anonymous said...

Conan Drum must be as old as me. Yes there was a band called Inspiral Carpets sometime in the 80's I think. They were brutal.

Exputex's claim to fame is that "It liquifies viscuous mucous and assists in the clearance of phlegm" I know because I have a bottle in my possession. As far as I know there is nothing in it to help you sleep.

Thriftcriminal said...

Err, you have a cough right? Cos I gave myself pneumonia using benylin to get to sleep (about 20 years ago). Dreaming of loosing your teeth is about feeling powerless (apparently).

Radge said...

It's a slippery slope. First the Exputex, then the Calpol, and finally you'll be guzzling Maalox like there isn't any tomorrow.

Take it from someone who's been there.

Rosie said...

you're right, Anon. it has a magnificent placebo effect, however.

it's not quite a cough, Thrifty. i too have fallen prey to Benylin Night Nurse addiction, i find the Exputex habit easier to kick.

what the fuck is Maalox? it sounds like something you'd give to cattle with fluke.

OneForTheRoad said...

Isn't Maalox just for indegestion?

I remember the good old days of necking a couple of my mate's ma's Ponstan before hitting the boozer...

B said...

Always f*cking Exputex, this is why I've quit taken medicines(asides form ones for this).

In Mr Pharmacist school do they just train the people to say "Exputex will fix that"?

Rosie said...

ponstan? i suppose that's one way to head the hangover off at the pass.

but it is a panacea, B. if that is indeed how it's spelled. also a panacea - beer.

B said...

Beer makes me sick since last Oxegen.
Beer is a panacea.
I only take Exputex when sick, and it never helps.
Exputex is a panacea too.

Therefore panacea's make me sick.

Billy said...

I hate it when they ask you questions. Makes me feel like an addict or something.

Rosie said...

i know, Billy. normally my nice Mr Pharmacist only asks me questions like "so, do you come here often?" and "have you plans for the weekend?" but this budgie seems to have me sussed. by the way, i meant to dedicate this post to you, another dedicated self-medicator. i shall amend it immediately.

le craic said...

It's good stuff for clearing the phlegm alright.

Dead right about dream analysis. I tend not to remember many of my dreams - we shouldn't really recall them anyway.

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