Thursday, July 17, 2008

It's All Fun And Games Until...

I have a date tonight. With a man.

I'm sure normal people don't boast childishly about this kind of shit but it almost never happens to me. The idea that someone (with all his own hair, teeth and mental faculties) would choose to spend a few hours in my company and maybe even try to kiss me at some stage, well, it's horribly exciting. Doubly so when you add to the mix the fact that I have no idea either how to dress or conduct myself appropriately, rendering the evening's outcome entirely unpredictable. I'm only 27 - at my age we generally just get mashed, lunge and hope for the best.

So, a plea for good advice. Lay it on me, strangers off the internet!

54 comments:

Green Ink said...

There is nothing sexier than the drunken lunge. Fact. You go girl.

prenderghast said...

Wear rubber. Failing that, anything waterproof and that doesn't stain.

And have a wank beforehand. Horniness will only cloud your judgement.

David said...

Relax, be regular self and ply him with drink.

Failing that - I'm sure rohypnol works on guys... you just might need to administer a stronger dose.


Jokes aside, have fun! :)

MJ said...

1) Wear something that you feel comfortable in
2) Brush your teeth before you apply your lippy
3) Said lippy should be lacking in glitter and strong colour (a male told me this)
4) Look natural (male friends are handy to quiz!) - I believe in make-up as an enhancement rather than a mask, and apparently boys & men agree. Who knew?!
5) Drop the hand ;)

hahahahaha

but seriously though - have fun!! good luck

Anonymous said...

I wouldn't worry too much about you're wearing, best think about what HE should be wearing later on in the night ;-)

Ruby said...

Ah dates, I remember them from my youth...

Anyway: Minimal slap (too much is off-putting, and I second the avoidance of gloopy lip gloss, in case of later incidence of a snog), something sexy but not slutty and be yourself. And go easy on the booze. God knows I've snogged a few dates I wouldn't have if I hadn't drank my weight in wine in the preceeding hours.

And if you think it has the potential to go tits up (and not in a good way), have a friend call you with a "come home now, the kitchen burnt down" emergency plan.

Jayne said...

at my age we generally just get mashed, lunge and hope for the best

me too - sad to say but if that's your technique in your twenties then it's imprinted for life...

ps good luck and make sure your bra and knickers match (just in case).

Spudley said...

Rosie I'm surprised you're not out on dates far more regularly. For what it's worth, my advice has been covered by mj already, ie drop the hand!!

I think you are excellent date material - you seem capable of chatting about topics more stretching than lip gloss.

I recently went out with a girl who spoke almost exclusively about herself and seemed entirely uninterested in what i had to say. It's safe to say I didn't call her again, the self-absorbed biatch... (not that I'm bitter)

Tinman18 said...

Remember he's as nervous as you are, no matter how cool he looks. I used to think the girls I was dating were so calm & self-assured when we were out, & only found out later how scared & vulnerable they were too. The sexes should talk more.

They say if you're nervous about public speaking, imagine the audience in their underwear. Not sure if it applies to dates, though try it, & if you're not repulsed at least it's a start.

Just try & enjoy yourself. It really is all about you in these situations - if you don't have a good time, forget it.

I don't envy you - one of the few good things about being old & married for a million years is you don't have to go through all that mental torture any more

Thriftcriminal said...

Smooth. Enjoy. At least you aren't my sister in law who is 41, about to be divorced and constantly complains that she can't remember the last time she got lucky. Though I'm unclear as to whether that is due to time, or she just can't remember....

Jeff Wode said...

Advice?

1. Binn béal ar a phus

2. An té nach bhfuil laidir, ní foláir di bheith in ann rudaí iontach aisteach a dhéanamh lena teanga.

3 Is leor bod don eolach.

Let us know how you get on :)

Little Miss said...

Sounds like you have all the advise you need.

One thing I did hear in film (can't think of the film right now-typical)if you want it to go beyond the first date don't shave your legs to avoid temptation.

Not sure if it works but films always tell the truth don't they!?

Be you and enjoy yourself :) I'd wish you luck but you don't need it!

Aidan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Aidan said...

Yeah, it's a pity that Irelamd has no dating culture like other countries. I remember one time asking a wee cracker out up in Belfast and she said "what a cheek, you haven't even snogged me yet and you're asking me out!". Cart before horse.
Anyway, you seem to have no shortage of words and repartee so I am sure that you will be a great date. With dates in Ireland I generally did get drunk and mill in like Flynn as there just did not seem to be any other technique.
In other countries dates were far more like American movies standing (sober) outside doorways waiting to make that connection.
I hope you enjoy yourself...

Nina said...

so. how did it go?

B said...

That last comment is brilliant... hopefully intentionally funny?

If only I had some advice to give... that'd be hilarious wouldn't it?
shame.

Imagine I've made this comment a few hours later: How'd it go?

Andrew said...

Nina, you asked that question at 9.20! The answer would be "pretty shit" if Rosie was responding at that stage.

Hope it went well missus.

Andrew said...

Fucking B always gets in there with the funny bits first.

Go to bed you little Longford bollix!

kiki said...

i don't believe you

you don't have a date

fluffyredrant said...

get mashed, lunge and if it doesn't work; smile and lunge again

Tim Footman said...

Did you let him touch your bosoms?

Rosie's date said...

I feel the need to say something here but if I mess this up and it doesn't come out then forgive me!

Some of you have a very low opinion of her. She was 3 mins fashionably late, immaculately dressed and looking very pretty. She's also sparkling, sharp company and I'm astonished she doesn't get asked out on these things all the time!

I had a brilliant evening. Any other detail is not for a decent date to say except to say that she wasn't home at twenty past nine!

Leitrim Lady said...

So, can the flatmate comment on the remainder of the evening!!!!! (glad I'm going Rosie??)

Darragh said...

Certainly hope you had good craic :)

red said...

so you told him you had a blog on the first date? things obviously went well.

Little Miss said...

unless rosie's date is already a blogger...

Glad it went well guys :)

Sharon said...

Confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can wear....

rosie's date said...

I do have a blog as a matter of fact; see if you can guess which from the following cryptic clue -

Split egg for tiffin? asks the subaltern's big brother.

Who am I?

B said...

Damien Mulley?

Thriftcriminal said...

OFTR? ND?

Grannymar said...

Achoo!

kieran said...

Think I have it - could the mystery man also be also be described phonetically as castor lyons madonna alternatively? Or symbolically as xxlarge?

JR said...

I thought I'd have an update by now...

No text, no gee mail chat, nuffin.

This posting is my last resort. I take it things went well... or else I have to axe the question: Are you still with us?

Dun Dun DUUUGHHHH!

Spill it missus.

problemchildbride said...

"Split egg for tiffin? asks the subaltern's big brother."
"castor lyons madonna"

OK, I've got SugarTeaPriest?

Close?

Rosie said...

that's excellent news, Green Ink. and wonderfully practical advice from you, Prender, although the advice you gave me during the week went gloriously unheeded.

thankfully it didn't come to that, David.

not much of a lippy bird, MJ, but i did remember to brush my teeth.

oooh, Anon! what are you implying?

as it happens, Ruby, i burned the kitchen down myself yesterday. half a bottle of wine, a plastic chopping board, a distracted Rosie and a hot hob do not a clever mixture make.

i don't know if that's depressing or reassuring, Jayne.

thank you, Spudley, kind of you to say. i didn't have to try too hard to enjoy myself, TinMan... in fact i didn't have to try at all. he's very easy company.

again, i don't know if that's depressing or reassuring, Thrifty!

Rosie said...

Jeff, that's fucking brilliant.

Rosie said...

Little Miss, Aidan, cheers.

Nina, B, it went well, thank you. Andrew, stop being mean to B, he's only little.

Shut up, Kiki!

done and done, Rua. proud of me?

Tim! what are bosoms?

sweet of you to say, Date. now when are you taking me out again, eh?

no, she fucking well can't, Leitrim "Lady". i can't believe you left me this morning. *sniff*

i did, D. it wasn't exactly a first date, Red. well, kinda, but we'd met before...

see the cryptic comments, Little Miss. just don't ask me what the fuck they're about, as i haven't a clue. none of those though, Thrifty & B.

bless you, Grannymar!

please to explain, Kieran?

check your phone, JR. i am alive, kicking and hung the fuck over.

perhaps, Sam? really have no idea what he was getting at with the clue. suspect it might be some other rapscallion altogether...

meh. said...

Kieran, XXLarge could be right.

Isn't a subaltern's big brother a Major?

Rosie said...

it was not Twenty Major. though the fucker poached my playdate last night.

Rosie's date said...

To solve all the confusion the first "Rosie's date" comment was from me. I had very specific information about the evening. The second one not me. And to keep the piss takers at bay I won't be commenting again!

kieran said...

Ah, that explains it. I went on the clue in the 2nd comment from "Rosie's date".

Going by the above clue: Split egg (twin) for tiffin (tea) ? asks the subaltern's big brother (a minority's big brother would be major).
twin-tea major. The only other option was going to be something to do with snackboxes. For my clues in the same style, I was trying not to give the game away: (xxlarge is very crosaire: xx is roman numerals for 20. large is major).

Anyway, glad to hear it went well, whoever the mystery man was... And damn you, phantom clue-giver, cutting into my study time with your sly misdirection. Something unreliable on the internet, who would've thunk it?

The Phantom Clue-Giver said...

Well done on solving my fiendish clue, Kieran. It is something to salvage from being successful pranked away from your studies.

As some sort of lame sociological justification for my divilment, I'm sure I intended a comment on the unreliability of internet discourse and the shifting sands of webular identity.

Also, I have devised a great parlour game which involves encoding blog names as crossword clues and twittering them at my mates.

Here's a final one in the style of the original

"The briney yonder; Let us take a turn about the drawing room."

The Phantom Clue-Giver said...

"Meh" came at my subaltern clue from the intended direction. Subalterns being army officers of the rank of captain and below; the rank above being Major.

kieran said...

#42 Cedar lounge revolutions. Not bad.

The Phantom Clue-Giver said...

Right again.

Dan Sullivan said...

Who one really knows how to dress or conduct themselves appropriately.

Twenty Major said...

The phantom unmasked?!

the phantom clue-giver said...

Not fucking likely Twenty. I'm a master of deception me.

problemchildbride said...

Ha! Love it, Phantom! But I still don't get the Major/Madonna bit.

kieran said...

the madonna thing? that was a bit of silly phonetics:
castor - twin
lyons - tea
madonna - madge
alternatively - or

But all this is distracting from the main point: who's the guy, rosie?

Rosie said...

Phantom, Kieran, i'm in awe of your wordy cleverness. i'd be shit at that game.

the guy is just a guy, Kieran, not another blogger. that was just a phase i was going through...

fluffyredrant said...

a tactic with an almost 100% success rate for women and a 25% conviction rate for men-of course I'm proud of you, you've mastered the art

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