Sunday, July 27, 2008

On My Lonesome

The Leitrim Lady left me a week ago, she's off frolicking out foreign for the next eleven weeks. I'm not bitter; or at least I wasn't until the Swede fucked off to Kenya for a few weeks on Friday. Now I'm just scared. He left me with a fridge full of liquid sustenance and a plea not to burn the flat down in their absence - I'm trying hard, but to be honest I'm more concerned that I'll adopt a cat and start wiping my arse with my hair in the absence of human company of an evening.

Obviously they've left me unsupervised before, just never for this length of time. I worry that I will start talking to myself. Or become so accustomed to walking around naked that I'll turn feral. So in a desperate plea for some form of human company, I broke the washing machine. Saturday morning then was spent in the company of deliverymen and plumbers, and while none of them quite lived up to my bored housewife fantasies (I really must lay off the porn) they were affable and chatty. Also, one of them is a helicopter pilot in his spare time. None but the finest of hired help for Rosie! Sadly, he charges by the hour, and is very bloody expensive.

Having exhausted his patience for demonstrations of the spin cycle, I put on an overdue wash of dirty knickers and set forth into the sunshine in search of some convivial company. I met the SWF and the Vet for a stroll around the chocolate market in Temple Bar. The place was jammed with wild-eyed women in search of of a cocoa fix who, like me, just read "chocolate" and bolted for the square, neglecting to check times or dates - the chocolate market is in fact on today. We ditched in favour of a spot of accidental handbag shopping (a little brown leather mini-suitcase from Urban Outfitters) and a table in sunny Bloom's Quarter where we drank wine, talked shite and snarfed tapenade.

From there I headed off to dinner with a pretty lady, feeling all cosmopolitan now that I was full of wine and olives. My date had chosen our destination because the waiter is "one hot motherfucker" (and she figured we could both do with a little sexy distraction) but she proved to be more than ample distraction herself. We spent a pleasant few hours gossiping about boys and bloggers, comparing lies and statistics and solving the world's ills. A few drinks and a charming young man later I tottled home, slightly squiffy and chuffed at the idea of having the flat to myself. Why, I could do what I liked! ("Have lots of sex" counseled Annie. Which is great in theory, we agreed, but short of my stopping men on the street it is unlikely to transpire over the next three weeks).

In the end I had a cigarette on the balcony, with a cup of earl grey and two paracetamol to ward off this morning's hangover. I texted my date to tell her how lovely she is, while slathering my lips in the honey balm she'd so thoughtfully brought as a present for me. I somewhat ill-advisedly texted last week's date to see if he has indeed disappeared in a puff of smoke up his own hole. Quite probably - I didn't get an answer. Then, reasonably full of tea, affection, and philosophical thoughts, I went to bed happy. Saturdays on your Todd aren't so bad after all. My Rabbit may not cuddle but it gives good head, and I don't need to make it breakfast on a Sunday morning. What more could a girl want of a weekend?

25 comments:

alan said...

hehehe. Great post!

I love living by myself1 It's great. So much so I sent my (in)significant other packing back to his own place last week to reinstate some alone Alan time!

And OMG how did I not know about Chocolate fair! :-(

Darragh said...

Sounds like a relaxing one Rosie, lucky you having the space to yourself!

I was in Temple Bar today - Meeting House Square looked pretty empty in comparison to Saturday - but I was only passing by so have no actual idea if it was good or not.

Leigh - The Anti Room said...

I normally love living on my own and luuuurve being single, but for some reason this weekend was kinda lonely. I think sunny Sundays, filled with kids frolicking about the place with reckless abandon and couples having little picnics in the park...well, it all made me feel verrrry single this weekend. Not necessarily in a good way. Damn, I so coulda done with a bit of lad distraction :-)

Annie said...

Leigh! We understand. You should have come for Tapas and cocktails with me, Rosie, and Wheels. We will bring you along next time.

problemchildbride said...

God, I used to love having the place to myself for days or weeks at a time. I used to do everything naked. I'd come in after work, hop into the bath, get super roasting, tomato-face hot and then stay naked the rest of the night, turning the heat up to Toasty later on. But daytime nakedness is the most liberating and that can usually often only be achieved at the weekend. Try nudey vacuuming! Everything's more fun in the nude. Except cooking. Wear an apron for cooking.

Truth be told, even indays, my kids are no strangers to seeing me pobbling around with nothing on. I think they see me nood most days when I get dressed or shower. Calamities often wait to happen til I'm having a shower and I have to streak out to solve them, blinded by shampoo suds, dripping wet and imperiling my coccyx on the slippery floor. This is a bad kind of noodiness, and cold.

Rua said...

Remember we were talking about how it'd be impossible to maintain a proffessional relationship with someone who writes a blog? I didn't believe it until that point

jane_the said...

"My Rabbit may not cuddle but it gives good head, and I don't need to make it breakfast on a Sunday morning. What more could a girl want of a weekend?"

I can't make it Italic.

You are a complete legend.You are the least pretentious person/blogger and even though I don't post, I read the blog almost every day.You should have more faith in yourself as you are an absolute inspiration.

Thriftcriminal said...

Smooth.

B said...

I get like one hour per month to myself... by the end I'm talking excessively to the walls of the house.

Conan Drumm said...

What is this chocolate fair? When/where etc? I have a severe weakness for the stuff, esp the 70+% gear.


A battery-related joke about myxomatosis eludes me!

Thriftcriminal said...

As an only child that now lives in a house full of girls (wife and daughters) I can say that there is nothing, and I mean nothing, better than having time to myself.

Rosie said...

memories of the chocolate fair are melted all over the inside of my handbag, Alan.

what Annie said, Leigh.

i haven't had any coccyx or cookery related accidents yet, Sam.

yet.

what was it that tipped you over the edge, Rua? we were never terribly professional anyway.

Jane, i love you for that.

i can imagine, B. you strike me as that type...

tis all over, Conan. though i have the leftovers in my fridge.

Conan Drumm said...

Damn!

backpedalbrakes said...

Shit, I forgot you had chocolate. Would've gone nicely with those last cocktails.

Green Of Eye, Sharp Of Claw said...

I can't believe there was a chocolate fair this weekend and i knew nowt about it:( Dagnammit.

Ah chocolate,booze,good company.Decent weekends are made of all these things!!

Rosie said...

i forgot i had it too, til i stuck my hand into my bag to rummage for my keys and it came out coated in caramel.

Billy said...

I recently had some time sans-flatmates and it was entertaining. Didn't do anything exceptional though.

Rosie said...

but how was it entertaining, Billy? already i'm bored.

Billy said...

Erm, well I had lots of baths, ate lots of curry, drank lots of beer and watched the TV that I wanted.

It was quite boring really.

B said...

generally I don't talk much to people. I just love getting opportunities to ask the wall how he is, can't do it while people are around.

PaulB said...

I lived on my own for a couple of years. Once the novelty of sleeping/shagging in random rooms wore off the reality of it all was a bit boring.

Luckily I've a good group of mates that were more than happy to help me get drunk every night, spending those years in a drunken stupor seemed to be what worked for me.

red said...

I have never lived by myself. The shame.

O said...

I hate, hate, hate being on my own... I think that's why I talk to myself so much if I am left to my own devices.

Nina said...

what more could a girl want of a weekend? I say it's perfect. great post.having time & place for yourself is fantastic.

Rosie said...

so far i have spent my evenings naked, and smoked a cigarette in the sitting room (then opened all the windows and fanned for all i was worth).

wild.