Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Ah Loan

Glasgow opened with a scene straight out of Trainspotting. On the train at that, all pish, chips and vinegar. Athlone opened, appropriately, in a garage. Not the usual piss and a Kit-Kat en route to Galway garage, but a suburban shop with petrol pumps and Polish counter staff. Ho, and indeed, hum. The shape of things to come?

The girls browsed the shelves, making noise about white wine spritzers and Pringles. Except for Strawberry Shortcake, who snotted herself on a yellow Caution! sign in her haste for the bathroom.

The shape of things to come.

Me? I was eyeing up the Bucky. Throwing it the kind of filthy, lustful looks you reserve for your lover after too much wine. Fingering the cans of Bulmers. I couldn't possibly. I was feeling insecure, you see. My hostess noticed me dithering like a dipso at a disco and pointed out that I was in Athlone, and that she was toting a six pack of Ritz. Bucky and Bulmers it is.

Two hours later agus mise ar mo shó, with Strawberry doing her best to get me on my ear. Maybe it's three hours later. We're in Karma, and it feels like we're in 1996.

I stood around looking cool, thinking cool, thinking I am too cool, for this school. Reality begged to differ. I may have looked every inch the aloof city sophistikitty in my head, but to him I looked approachable, and approach he did. You know him. The small, baldy, sweaty one with his creepy little hands deep in his sticky little pockets, rooting at his testicles. The one you hope isn't looking at you. But he was looking at me, and he fancied his chances. "Are you from Ah Loan yourself?" he barked at my nipples. No, I said. Dublin. "I was going to go outside for a bit of a walk" he said, licking his chapped lips. "I was thinking you'd want to come with me, like". Tempting? No. He broke eye contact then and resumed staring at my tits. "The wife's brother's missus is from Dublin" he mused, thoughtfully. "She's alright".

12 comments:

C'est La Craic said...

Love the bit with caution sign. If life's going to be a bitch, then she might as well have a sense of irony.

Which side of the Shannon was it?

stereotyping said...

You'd think he was the singularly most unpleasant and creepy guy this side of Mullingar, but you just know the country is crawling (slithering?) with them.

*shudder*

Glad I'm a guy and don't have to deal with that.

Radge said...

He's a keeper.

emordino said...

> Not the usual piss and a Kit-Kat en route to Galway garage

A friend of mine is fond of telling his former housemate, an Athlone lass, that the town has been nothing but a toilet to him for the past six years. It's much more hilarious than it should be.

Conan Drumm said...

Mother Ireland's rearing them yet! When they see a sophistikitty such as yourself they get a bit spittley and slimy about the dewlaps. Their wives, incidentally, are glad to be shut of them for the evening. Can you blame them?

Rosie said...

i didn't know Athlone straddled it, la Craic.

it's not all bad, ST. i get to write funny posts about them afterwards.

ick, Radge. you keep him.

it was your recounting that to me that prompted that line, EM. i'd have credited you but i couldn't remember who it was had tattled that tale.

dewlaps. shudder.

C'est La Craic said...

'straddled' now that's far raunchy a word to use when talking about Athlone.

Gardenhead said...

Stop slagging my cousin!

Anonymous said...

If you were in Karma, you were on the Westmeath side of the Shannon as opposed to the Roscommon side.

Rosie said...

good to know?

opop said...

情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 言情小說, 愛情小說, 色情A片, 情色論壇, 色情影片, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊美女, 視訊交友, ut聊天室, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, a片下載, av片, A漫, av dvd, av成人網, 聊天室, 成人論壇, 本土自拍, 自拍, A片, 愛情公寓, 情色, 舊情人, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 情色交友, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 色情a片, 一夜情, 辣妹視訊, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊, 視訊美女, 美女視訊, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, 情人視訊網, 影音視訊聊天室, 視訊交友90739, 成人影片, 成人交友,

免費A片, 本土自拍, AV女優, 美女視訊, 情色交友, 免費AV, 色情網站, 辣妹視訊, 美女交友, 色情影片, 成人影片, 成人網站, A片,H漫, 18成人, 成人圖片, 成人漫畫, 情色網, 日本A片, 免費A片下載, 性愛, 成人交友, 嘟嘟成人網, 成人電影, 成人, 成人貼圖, 成人小說, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人遊戲, 微風成人, 愛情公寓, 情色, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 做愛, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 寄情築園小遊戲, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊,

uhfdf said...

做愛的漫畫圖片, 情色電影分享區, 做愛ㄉ影片, 丁字褲美女寫真, 色美眉, 自拍俱樂部首頁, 日本偷自拍圖片, 色情做愛影片, 情色貼圖區, 八國聯軍情色網, 免費線上a片, 淫蕩女孩自拍, 美國a片, 都都成人站, 色情自拍, 本土自拍照片, 熊貓貼圖區, 色情影片, 5278影片網, 脫星寫真圖片, 粉喵聊天室, 金瓶梅18, sex888影片分享區, 1007視訊, 雙贏論壇, 爆爆爽a片免費看, 天堂私服論壇, 情色電影下載, 成人短片, 麗的線上情色小遊戲, 情色動畫免費下載, 日本女優, 小說論壇, 777成人區, showlive影音聊天網, 聊天室尋夢園, 義大利女星寫真集, 韓國a片, 熟女人妻援交, 0204成人, 性感內衣模特兒, 影片, 情色卡通, 85cc免費影城85cc, 本土自拍照片, 成人漫畫區, 18禁, 情人節阿性,

aaaa片, 免費聊天, 咆哮小老鼠影片分享區, 金瓶梅影片, av女優王國, 78論壇, 女同聊天室, 熟女貼圖, 1069壞朋友論壇gay, 淫蕩少女總部, 日本情色派, 平水相逢, 黑澀會美眉無名, 網路小說免費看, 999東洋成人, 免費視訊聊天, 情色電影分享區, 9k躺伯虎聊天室, 傑克論壇, 日本女星杉本彩寫真, 自拍電影免費下載, a片論壇, 情色短片試看, 素人自拍寫真, 免費成人影音, 彩虹自拍, 小魔女貼影片, 自拍裸體寫真, 禿頭俱樂部, 環球av影音城, 學生色情聊天室, 視訊美女, 辣妹情色圖, 性感卡通美女圖片, 影音, 情色照片 做愛, hilive tv , 忘年之交聊天室, 制服美女, 性感辣妹, ut 女同聊天室, 淫蕩自拍, 處女貼圖貼片區, 聊天ukiss tw, 亞亞成人館, 777成人, 秋瓷炫裸體寫真, 淫蕩天使貼圖, 十八禁成人影音, 禁地論壇, 洪爺淫蕩自拍, 秘書自拍圖片,