Monday, December 01, 2008

Butterpigs

"I'm gaunnae kick yer fuckin' heid in, ya bam!" he roared, lurching down the carriage, spraying spit and spilling cider. He brayed laughing and punched his mate in the head. I was delighted.

Glasgow.

Saturday night saw us in the Buff, dancing to Pulp's Disco 2000. "I grew up with woodchip on the walls" I laughed. He pretended to be appalled. He loves his bit of rough with her swinging hips, swigging from a tin of Red Stripe, happy as a lark. The pub is called the Butterfly and the Pig and I like its dinky little ditty -
I’ll never forget falling in love with a butterfly,
a pig was I a pig not she,
you see to fly like her or be like me a
butterpig you must be,
to care, to share, to love everywhere, to have curly hair,
is the meaning of the butterfly and the pig,
the odd pair.
Though no odd pair we.

On the windy way home we blessed an amiable drunk with a cigarette in exchange for directions to our warm bed. He wished us a merry Christmas and congratulated himself on being the first to do so. Aye, second turn on the left... into an industrial wasteland from which you may never escape. An hour later and a pish down a laneway - we were lost. The perishing cold gnawed at my cheer and my chips. I hate Glasgow.

But I didn't, not really. On Sunday morning I ate porridge with maple syrup in the Willow Tea Rooms and tried on every red woollen coat in Scotland. We trailed around GoMA, drank Glühwein at the fair, swung rosie cheeked with cold on the carousel swings. I eyed the Helter Skelter longingly but didn't push my luck - it's cute til the carnies have to pry your ample arse off the slide.

To the dreary Dows by Queen Street Station then to watch the football. I sat with a book as a beard, soaking up the locals. The miserable middle-aged women with their shopping, Bacardi Breezers brightening their smiles, the lone and lonely men. A Glaswegian L'Absinthe.

Before boarding the train from Central Station the Jaffa Cake dipped in to the chippie with a Mars Duo. We sat amongst the pigeons then, grinning, greasy with batter and banter. A fitting end to the weekend. Butterpigs both.

25 comments:

C'est La Craic said...

I thought they closed Glasgow in the winter.
A Glaswegian Absinthe eh? La fée luminous yellow was it?
Ah I'm only jealous.

Govstooge said...

Ah, Glasgie. Froze my hole off in Central Station waitin' for the Prestwick train on many a day.

Conan Drumm said...

Somehow puts me in mind of Curly Wee! Maybe Curly We might do for a collective name for yourself and the Jaffa Cake.

What was the book... and what was the football, if the Jaffa is a Celtic supporter I won't know what to think!

red leeroy said...

The only thing I ever read that made me want to go to Glasgow.

john said...

this is just... magic. nice wan!

Sarah Gostrangely said...

"I sat with a book as a beard"

Lovely image,

Sounds like a rockin weekend. The stuff romantic minibreak getaways are made of...

Nice!

Rosie said...

Curly We? i dunno, Conan, his is as sleek as mine is kinky. it was the Arsenal match, and i was reading Ian Rankin's latest, because i was on my jollybops. when in Rome, as they say (i just pretended i was in Edinburgh).

yes, my weekend in Glasgow was pure dead brilliant, so it was.

the dublinista said...

How charming it all sounds. Even the pissing part. You should watch RED ROAD and start to feel sentimental.

Rosie said...

looks like a good film, must check it out. and the wee wee was not without charm - he followed me down the lane because he reckoned that if he debased himself by going for an al fresco slash too, i'd feel less self conscious. he reckoned wrong, of course, and was shouted at for his trouble. i almost lost my balance, such was my shame.

oyebilly said...

I want to go to Glasgow now.

Holemaster said...

Write about Athlone now.

Annie said...

If you're a bit of rough (which I don't believe for a minute) does that mean that he's POSH?

He sounds very gentlemanly anyway, accompanying you for a wee.

Conan Drumm said...

Red Road is great... and for a book, Lanark is an absolutely mad must-read. The Jaffa is a true gent.

emordino said...

Red Stripe is amazing. I've only once managed to get it over here.

narocroc said...

Aaaaaaawwwww. Ain't that sweet. Nice post SE, but what I want to know is... can you get battered Butterpigs?!? Greasealiciousbaconygoodness!

Rosie said...

as it happens, Holemaster, i'm Athlone bound this weekend. watch this space.

pish posh! nah, he's not really. he is a gentleman though, most of the time.

i'll look into the buke too so, Conan.

red stripe is amazing, EM. and i love getting cans in a nightclub; i'm far lees likely to spill them all down the front of my dress.

this butterpig nearly got battered in the nightclub jacks, Narocroc, but that's a whole 'nother story.

Felix for Zosia said...

I've been struggling to find internebs time lately so just read about 15 of your posts in one go. I feel like we've been chatting at the pub for a few hours over some red wine.

Rosie said...

that would account for my headache this morning, Felix.

sheepworrier said...

I love that wee butterpig poem.

Rosie said...

me too, no idea who wrote it though.

Annie A said...

I can't wait to see you again! xx

B said...

Disco 2000*

Rosie said...

thank you, B...

see you soon, Anniekins x

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