Being an up-my-own-snot liberal leftie, I read the Irish Times. Never the Independent. "Nothing but a broadsheet tabloid" I sniff, preferring instead to read the Metro. At least they occasionally publish cute photos of cats. But the Jaffa Cake is job hunting and for reasons unfathomable, secondary schools throughout the land insist on publishing their vacancies in the Sindo.
I know I should bin all but the Business section. I know I shouldn't read LIFE magazine features over breakfast. Or at all. But like a bad blog, like a bad dog and a puddle of scutter, I can't resist a good nose. And what a stinker they had for me this week! Skip the pointless feature on the plus-size model who got an arse-lift and head straight to Donal Lynch's look into "the surreal world of Gaeilge" on page 22. It's stirring stuff.
LIP SERVICE says the bit that's not the headline in the corner. A clever pun! The pun fun continues with the headline COULDN'T GIVE A FOCAIL [sic] - a very witty pun on the word "focal" which, amusingly, sounds quite like like the word "fuck" in English. Richie Kavanagh would be proud.
De puns even dribble down to the sub-headline where Irish is referred to as "our 'first notional language'" ("notional" instead of "national"! Hilarious, right?) "It sounded like some kind of joke" begins his article. It reads like one, Donal. He goes on to resurrect as many bigoted clichés as his editor will allow, including (but not limited to) lambasting Padraig Ferriter (and presumably misspelling his name - maybe Donal Doodle's computer doesn't have fadas...) because he "blatantly" speaks perfect English and comparing Eamon O Cuiv (no pesky fada on his name either!) to Hitler. The piece is accompanied by a photo of Peig Sayers, postergirl for Gaeilge and "grist to the gravy train that is the Irish language". "Peig Sayers, witty feminist" wouldn't really be Donal's style.
The piece is full of dúirt bean liom go ndúirt bean leí - so and so says that... that Irish children can't read good or learn to do other stuff good because they're too busy living DeV's wet dream, that Irish is a preserve of the urban middle class elite (thank you, David McWilliams), that the Gaeltacht is populated by béal bocht chancers and that "it's just jobs for the boys", that though the European Union have recognised Irish as an official language, Gaeilgeoirí don't have the linguistic expertise to make it viable, that TG4's presenters speak a "strange American-Irish hybrid that Europe turned its nose up at", that Irish was mainly spoken in the North "among IRA men trying to confuse British soldiers"and that "French and German are being slowly swamped and eroded by anglicisations" so "we may as well enjoy the huge advantage that native English gives us in the world". And not sit at home reading Foinse and watching Ros na Rún, presumably.
A completist in his rehashing of every other tedious feature ever written about Irish, Donal mentions that almost a million and a half people claim to be able to speak fluent or near-fluent Irish and that most people overestimate their ability to speak the language. Disappointingly, he doesn't venture to discuss why those million and a half people would be motivated to tell boastful, purposeless lies.
The high point for me is when Donal suggests a Gaeilgeoir tax. "With the boom well and truly over, Irish is a pointless little luxury that the State should let people pay for, if they want to."
Grand, so. Who should I make the cheque out to?
I know I should bin all but the Business section. I know I shouldn't read LIFE magazine features over breakfast. Or at all. But like a bad blog, like a bad dog and a puddle of scutter, I can't resist a good nose. And what a stinker they had for me this week! Skip the pointless feature on the plus-size model who got an arse-lift and head straight to Donal Lynch's look into "the surreal world of Gaeilge" on page 22. It's stirring stuff.
LIP SERVICE says the bit that's not the headline in the corner. A clever pun! The pun fun continues with the headline COULDN'T GIVE A FOCAIL [sic] - a very witty pun on the word "focal" which, amusingly, sounds quite like like the word "fuck" in English. Richie Kavanagh would be proud.
De puns even dribble down to the sub-headline where Irish is referred to as "our 'first notional language'" ("notional" instead of "national"! Hilarious, right?) "It sounded like some kind of joke" begins his article. It reads like one, Donal. He goes on to resurrect as many bigoted clichés as his editor will allow, including (but not limited to) lambasting Padraig Ferriter (and presumably misspelling his name - maybe Donal Doodle's computer doesn't have fadas...) because he "blatantly" speaks perfect English and comparing Eamon O Cuiv (no pesky fada on his name either!) to Hitler. The piece is accompanied by a photo of Peig Sayers, postergirl for Gaeilge and "grist to the gravy train that is the Irish language". "Peig Sayers, witty feminist" wouldn't really be Donal's style.
The piece is full of dúirt bean liom go ndúirt bean leí - so and so says that... that Irish children can't read good or learn to do other stuff good because they're too busy living DeV's wet dream, that Irish is a preserve of the urban middle class elite (thank you, David McWilliams), that the Gaeltacht is populated by béal bocht chancers and that "it's just jobs for the boys", that though the European Union have recognised Irish as an official language, Gaeilgeoirí don't have the linguistic expertise to make it viable, that TG4's presenters speak a "strange American-Irish hybrid that Europe turned its nose up at", that Irish was mainly spoken in the North "among IRA men trying to confuse British soldiers"and that "French and German are being slowly swamped and eroded by anglicisations" so "we may as well enjoy the huge advantage that native English gives us in the world". And not sit at home reading Foinse and watching Ros na Rún, presumably.
A completist in his rehashing of every other tedious feature ever written about Irish, Donal mentions that almost a million and a half people claim to be able to speak fluent or near-fluent Irish and that most people overestimate their ability to speak the language. Disappointingly, he doesn't venture to discuss why those million and a half people would be motivated to tell boastful, purposeless lies.
The high point for me is when Donal suggests a Gaeilgeoir tax. "With the boom well and truly over, Irish is a pointless little luxury that the State should let people pay for, if they want to."
Grand, so. Who should I make the cheque out to?
21 comments:
Ha! Arresting Article, wronderfully written, Wrosie. Had me in stitches.
Tab-tastic.
aye, I read that load of cock.
I HATE when journalists say "we" and then ascribe an opinion to all of the Irish people.
Its even worse when its an opinion ("the Irish don't want to speak Irish") that is the complete opposite of my opinion.
I would say you felt like an irate puddle of shcutter after reading that rotten little piece of effluent.
Fuck me.
I mean.
Jesus.
You didn't even need to mention Barry Egan.
That'd drive me to rancour.
Anyone who can coin the phrase "grist to the gravy train" and think it makes any sense at all ought to work on their mastery of Béarla before getting sniffy about other languages.
Oh the Independent! How I loathe your over-abundance of spelling errors, reductionist points of view and "Metro" edition (because your readers don't have the mental agility to handle a big newspaper and read small writing at the same time).
They had a wonderful article on non-drinkers a few weeks back. It was a gloriously patronising mix of "sure, aren't they great troopers all the same" and "jesus, get a load of yer man there with the orange juice. What a freak!"
Ok, now I'm going to have to go find a copy of this article!
Tax!
In a related sidenote: your word verification is making me write twitype. How appropriate.
I am SO SICK of people trying their personal best to kill Irish, this pervasive attitude that it's useless. The feckin Fíne Gaelers of the world will have us all without our cúpla focail yet.
the full text is here, buíochas le Concubhar Ó Liatháin.
grist to the gravy train is magnificent. i wish i'd have wrote it.
In fairness he wasnt arguing for the removal of the language- just the billions we have poured into it since Independence. And how basically the language has failed. He wrote well on that front at least.
you think? i think he made himself look like an ill-informed, unoriginal and bigoted dickhead.
you say potato, etc.
there's plenty amiss with the way public funds have been spent on promoting Irish over the years. had Donal written about that and offered something constructive rather than just rehashing offensive twaddle, his article might have made for better reading.
I don't buy into this "Gaeilge as a middle class elitest thing". The second we became middle class I got packed off to a lán béarla school. Senior, on the other hand, had to go all the way out to Bray for a decidedly lán Gaeilge education.
Though there is a concern that Gaeilschools will become fetid pits of racism as a certain type of Irish person forgets their past and looks to keep their kids with the other whiteys. Irish should always be a reminder of the hypocracy of a racist paddy.
Talking about Life magazine though(we use it as a counterbalance, like the economist/new internationalist subscription situation); it is an unequalled semi-literate scribble of anglo-phile tripe on an almost weekly basis.
And Irish models are not hot! In fact, most of them look like their daddys paid to have an ad taken out; "marry this unemployable spa"
Jaysus that's some rant...
Shit, I'd better write a cheque too. I speak English and Irish and French and German. And I was raised working class.
The all white Gaelscoil is another myth.
(Buíochas le Dia!).
Foreigners know a good thing when they see one, and the smartest immigrants of all hues are also sending their kids to Gaelscoileanna. Not that long ago there was a Gaelscoil (Lios na nÓg, I think) out protesting about a Nigerian child from the school being deported. Which made a nice change from having to worry about rotting prefabs, I'd say.
Irish Independent. Two words, two lies.
Sounds like he needs to try living outside Ireland (or an English speaking country) to see what language really means and can mean - his writing appears to be simple ignorance to me
Sounds like something Kevin Myers might have contributed to. A kind of journalistic circle jerk
Having traipsed around Wales a few years ago I found it a beautiful experience to hear the locals dipping in and out of Welsh and English - and this wasn't in out-of-the-way hamlets, these were thriving towns.
I realised then that I had never, not once heard that in Ireland. Now, granted I haven't been in every nook and cranny in the land but I certainly don't live with my fingers in my ears and eyes closed, in a cave, on Mars.
Speaking as 1 of the 2 pupils from 200 that attempted honours Irish in my school's Leaving Cert I have to acknowledge that the percentages are against the language (My friend's school the same year had 4 honours students out of 200).
While i disagree with the tone of the article I can see a foundation from which it has been built.
I would love to know if his figures are accurate though.
If TG4 actually does cost €25 to keep afloat then that is a scandal.
If that channel is to be kept up and running then the 10,000 households that speak Irish as a first language should have their TV licenses diverted towards it and nothing else. The rest should be made up by advertising and donations.
Just to clarify though - I quite enjoy the language even though my knowledge has become very rudimentary through years of disuse and according to some people it would be useless anyway as I've never learned from a Gaeltacht dialect.
Oh, and I got a D, in case anyone is interested.
Meh - I speak English, Irish and French, all in a Dublin accent, because, thankfully and by the grace of God, I was born and raised and still live in Dublin.
As far as Gaeilge is concerned, although we have several Gaelscoileanna in area, I don't think Irish will survive if the Department of Education don't revolutionise the way it is taught in our english based Primary Schools. They managed it with continental languages - why not Gaeilge?
Did they manage it though, Anonymous?
I do not know a single person who learned French or German in school along with Irish and remained proficient at the language. I know plenty who are capable because they either made a big effort in adult life or else they moved/worked abroad for a time.
I don't want to kick off a debate in our host's comment section but I think that the article (as flawed as it was) made the point that because English is so dominant across the globe that even the French and Germans are having problems with anglo-linguistical encroachment in their backyards. If one speaks English, one has an easier time. Therefore why go through the extra effort of learning something unless you absolutely have too.
This is not my opinion by the way, just my gauging of the majority's mindset.
To want to learn Irish/French/Japanese is not enough. One needs to be driven, to be compelled do it; be it through necessity i.e. moving there, through parents or to just have that type of personality.
How many school children have that today?
One last thing, and apologies for the lengthy post but while not great with languages, I am good at accents and once, my friend's good French-with-Dublin-accent was derided and snubbed by some Franco-Belgians far more than my inferior French-with-French-accent was. I call it the 'Allo, 'Allo effect.
Typical Sindo bollox. I've said it before and I'll say it again...why are people complicit in keeping this weekly skip of poorly written bile afloat? Surely, it doesn't hold a mirror up to us, does it?
*shudder
Your passionate piece here would make a good right to reply editorial. Sadly, it's too well written.
Myers lite! Oh the Sindo- and Life magazine in particular- is a festering Brunhilda of a cyst.
"I don't want to kick off a debate in our host's comment section"...
please, by all means. it makes me look popular and widely read.
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