Wednesday, October 27, 2010

So Lie To Me, But Do It With Sincerity

me:
so remember i said i was going to break up with my acupuncturist yesterday? well, i decided the easiest thing to do would be to tell her that my husband had lost his job, so we were cutting back on spending, and that way nobody's feelings would be hurt.
Annie:
good idea
lie
me:
then Andrew's boss came and told him that he'd lost his job.
Annie:
oh my god
no way
:(
me:
uh huh. next time i'm going to lie about winning the lotto. "i have won the lotto, so i'm afraid i won't be needing acupuncture anymore!"
Annie:
ahahaha
there's your blog post right there
that's terrible though
is he gutted?
me:
nah, he's okay. he was very upset yesterday afternoon and then he remembered that he was married to me so it would all be okay. he's an optimistic fella.
Annie:
awwww
that is beautiful
-19 minutes-
me:
i'll blog about it, but i'll maybe let him blog about it first.
Annie:
very decent
I went to the acupuncturist that evening, wracked with guilt. "Are you stressed?" she asked. "You seem to be bleeding a lot." She drew the needles out slowly, carefully. "I think that one's going to bruise..." she said, gently prodding the pudge above my bellybutton. I told her about Andrew losing his job and she was lovely, understanding and sympathetic. Then she gave me a voucher for a free treatment. I didn't feel like I could say no. And so I'll traipse back again tomorrow, like a lover softly succumbing to one-last-time-no-strings-attached sex, with clean knickers, combed hair and a guilty conscience.

7 comments:

Robert said...

sorry to hear about Andrew's redundancy.

I still recommend lying though, as a tactic. Not generally, but certainly when it comes to Oriental Therapy Extrication

Annie said...

I can't believe you're actually going back again!

Kitty Cat said...

Ah how annoying but also how very nice of her! Damn that lovely acupuncturist and damn those fickle Spanish students too.

Karen said...

Oh God I feel really guilty! I was the one who suggested, in the comments on your last blog post, that you lie about a job loss to get out of going to her. Sorry!

I feel for Andrew, I lost my job in July and it is a shock alright. Take care, I hope he gets some new work soon.

Rosie said...

i am really really bad at extricating myself from awkward engagements. i got a week-long contract on a dig as a student and i lasted 3 hours before faking a phonecall, bursting into tears and telling my employer that my sister had been admitted to hospital for an emergency appendectomy and that i had to leave right away to be with her and probably wouldn't be back (the implication being that she might die). not my finest moment.

you're not alone in that, Annie.

excellent, Karen. i can shrug off my guilt now that i know it was all your fault, thanks! hope the wedding plans are going well, incidentally. i'm looking forward to tomorrow's lookback post (no pressure, like...)

Gimme said...

If you come out of that session with another one booked, I'm going to phone up and tell her that you're dead. Which may karmically lead to your death. Do you want to die? Then I advise against booking another session.

Rosie said...

the appointment today's at 5.15, Gimme. call her with the sad news before then and you can have my voucher.