Thursday, February 14, 2008

Opportunity Knocks

I got an interesting email this morning from a TV production company.
Fancy taking an all-expenses paid once-in-a-lifetime road trip across the Australian outback in search of love? Sounds smashing! Where do I sign? Interested in going on a wild road trip and meeting some hot Aussie hunks? I said yes! Four lucky ladies will be chosen to head down under to embark on a journey of a lifetime. Four? Fuck that. The other three had better be ugly dullards. Not that I'm not up for a little competition, but, well, I'm not up for much competition. Their mission: To find true love. Mission Improbable; but am happy to give it a good oul try. The girls will be flown to Perth on the west coast of Australia in September and will travel by bus over a staggering 3,200 kilometres through the arid and breathtaking outback as far as the sun-drenched cosmopolitan beaches of Sydney. I like buses. I'm narcoleptic on public transport though, so the series would be full of shots of me slumped and snoring open-mouthed sleeping like a beautiful angel.

The Checklist:

1. Can you speak fluent Irish?
Why yes, I can! it's my bread and butter, as it happens. My grammar makes children cry but my vocabulary is colourful and inventive and my accent is begged, borrowed and stolen from each of the dialects - in the interests of fair play and indecisiveness.


2. Are you single?
Very. Inexplicably, tragically so. On today of all days. *sniff*

3. Are you in a position to travel to Australia for five to six weeks?
Absolutely. And sure if they like me, they can keep me. I love my job and I wouldn't trade it for the world but... Bollocks. Yes, I am in a position to travel to Australia for five to six weeks.

4. Are you genuinely looking for love?
Well I was hoping that it was looking for me, to be honest. It's like playing hide-and-go-seek as a kid - I'm the one that's still huddled under the coats in the wardrobe in the spare room, waiting to be found.

5. Are you aged 18 or over?

Yes, though a little more "over" than I'd like. I turn 27 soon. Eek. I hope I'm not too old. However, Aldi refused to sell me mulled wine at Christmas on account of my youthful good looks, so I could pass for 17, apparently (no, I didn't buy that line either).

I tick all the boxes... I think I might just email them back. I was never that taken with the idea of Australia until I ended up over there with Strawberry last year. It was on a whim, really, we were drunk and she got all persuasive. By the time I had sobered up I had an email confirmation from Trailfinders and an excited email from the Hurler asking me if it was true that I was coming over especially to see him because I loved him and missed him terribly (Friends Don't Let Friends Dial Drunk). I spent a month there, and it felt like a week. Ever since then I've been making vague plans to go back. I've met a few Australian men since then too and they're not as bad as you'd think.

15 comments:

backpedalbrakes said...

Sounds like it'd be a blast - and certainly beats Paisean Faisean as an Irish language TV opportunity...

Rosie said...

i dunno, i kinda like the idea of somebody else being responsible for my alarming sense of fashion.

red said...

go go go

nuttycow said...

Go for it - it sounds fun :)

All expenses paid too.

And yes, the other women are bound to be ugly/weird/lesbian to add a little spice to the programme.

Terence McDanger said...

Do it, please, it'd be hooooo-larious. Nobody will notice the bad grammar because we would never have been learnt to actually speak it proper in the school as such, only when we do be writing it like, so your in the clear there.

And love the pic nuttycow!

Jayne said...

I'm probably being dim but why do you have to speak fluent Irish? Are you only allowed to communicate to Aussie hunks in Irish? (and mime obviously - the chances of meeting any Aussie hunks who understand Irish being slim to none).

And if yes, will it be subtitled for us non-Irish speaking idiots?

Rosie said...

okay, i'll email them. sure what's the worst that could happen?*

Nuttycow, i'm now worried that viewers will think i'm the token ugly weird lesbian. thanks.

not dim at all, Jayne, i should have perhaps mentioned that the programme was commissioned by TG4, the irish language telly station (who do subtitle most of their programmes, much to my annoyance). presumably there would be some cringey attempts to teach the hunks a cúpla focal though...

*rhetorical question; do not answer.

JP said...

Not as bad as you think? Some would say we're downright wonderful! (You included I might add ;) )

Rosie said...

i'm pretty sure i never said you were wonderful, JP. i may have complimented your beard and your no-nonsense approach to wimmin, but that was about the height of it.

davey said...

Both wrong, because we are actually as bad as you thought. Yous Eyerish are just easily guiled.

ps: can i borrow a fiver?

Rosie said...

it's true that i am a gullible one, Davey. i live my life in the hope that people are too sympathetic to take advantage. there's always one though...

@ the rest of you - i've emailed them to find out what the craic is.

Rua said...

get stuck in!! I applied to do that yoke too but they rejected me because of (cough) "technical difficulties"

Rosie said...

same "technical difficulties" you had when you auditioned for paisean faisean?

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