Saturday, September 27, 2008

Reader's Choice #6

Stockings vs. Tights - Which is Cooler?

For Andrew, who probably sticks to socks.


Stupid fucking question really, it's like comparing jeans to leg warmers. Stockings are cooler - they don't have a gusset.

He was very much what I would regard as the typical uptight Englishman, not quite a gent but certainly conservative. His interests included poker and tits, both his own and large ones of the lady variety. His interests also briefly included me, and of course I was completely besotted with him, as I generally am with entirely unsuitable men. He had the typical uptight Englishman's tastes in fun and frolics too - a little discipline, a little dressing up. High heels and stockings, if you don't mind, and it's far from that I was reared. But I am an indulgent sort.

So I swapped the thick opaque tights and sensible flats for silk stockings, a suspender belt and some spiky heels. Not permanently, you understand, just in the bathrooms at the airport. With the pencil skirt and the slim-fitting black poloneck, I felt every inch the sophisticate. I set off with a sexy swing to my gait, brimming with bravado. But I couldn't walk too well in the shoes. And the suspender belt was too big for me - I sized it to skim and flatter my bovine hips rather than to stay put and hold up my stockings. I sat on the tube, thighs clenched, fidgeting, sweating into my slim-fitting poloneck, unable to cross my legs for fear that I might further strain the straps precariously preserving my modesty. By the time I arrived at his door, I was an agitated and decidedly unsexy mess.

Stockings may be cooler, but I can't quite pull them off. Or keep them on.

23 comments:

Radge said...

'His interests included poker and tits...'

Gold.

Coastal Aussie said...

Great post, Rosie.

She Likes It Loud said...

Stockings blow. I'm petite so they either droop or are so tight, they hurt in a masochistic religious order sort of way. Boy shorts with tights are cute, or alfresco with knee high boots - leave those on, trust me ;)

Rosie said...

thanks...

i'm decidedly unpetite, She, and still they're a disaster.

Anonymous said...

Dress to please yourself not some man.

Rua said...

Why am reading about womens clothes on a Sunday afternoon? This is what happens when there's no 'real' football on, that was actually rather entertaining, maybe I'm finally turning gay...

She Likes It Loud said...

Um...Anon person, half the point of sex is pleasing the other person (one would hope). Reciprocity. If you only do for yourself, then you end up only DOING yourself, which is fine if that's your thing. You should see what they wear for me. It's a two way street.

Uptight and Conservative said...

>>>By the time I arrived at his door, I was an agitated and decidedly unsexy mess.

Agitated perhaps, but far from unsexy.

Rosie said...

it was the summer in San Fran, Rua...

Anon & She - a little from column A and a little from column B. we'll compromise.

Pinkie said...

I love my fishnet hold-ups! I would be so paranoid wearing the belt and suspender clips and all... I would be certain to have the stockings slip down down down to me ankles. Guh.

red said...

i've never tried the full-on stocking and suspender belt thing and my forays into stay-up stocking territory finished with the flesh coloured offenders crumpled around my ankles in the middle of a busy roman street so i've put off further experiments indefinitely.

Annie said...

"Dress to please yourself not some man."

lolz

Rosie said...

i remember reading about that, Red, and laughing uncharitably at your misfortune while wishing i had the kind of thighs that would allow me to model hold-ups.

Conan Drumm said...

It's the not having to take them off that's the great thing about stockings. But then, there's no point wearing something you don't enjoy wearing. No?

OneForTheRoad said...

I hate the word gusset.

Rosie said...

i certainly don't enjoy wearing them in public, Conan.

and i love the word "gusset". it sounds... damp.

Andrew said...

Yeah, gusset is a truly filthy word and therefore hard not to love.

Anonymous said...

@ she likes it loud:
I've been married to the same person for longer than you have been alive (probably). If I was that selfish don't you think they would have legged it by now? Mutual respect is what does it - not the dressing up box. I do however think that some desperate women make complete and utter fools of themselves in an effort to catch a man. Usually when they catch him they can't keep him because they have used up all their pathetic little tricks.

She Likes It Loud said...

Anon: I'm 207 years old (good genes)and haven't caught a man yet. I even bathe sometimes and brush my teeth - but tarnation! Still can't get me no man! Oh, just having a bit of fun. I really can't dress to please a man; I'm an un-sexy clutz across the board. I've never been sexy and I look awful in things like g-strings. They don't make leather hoods or ass-less chaps in my size either.

Rua, confused said...

"Dress to please yourself not some man."

fuck off, if everyone dressed to please themselves and themselves alone the world would be a much less sexy place, albeit a snugger place.
"Dress well but base it on your own tastes" is what I say, afterall, your clothes form an outward reflection of your personality.
Jesus Christ, this isn't funny anymore, where is this stuff coming from? Normally I would've stopped writing at 'fuck off'

Rosie said...

ladies! (and that includes you, Rua, beard or not)

eh... i don't know how to mediate this one, really. so again, in my finest carry-on falsetto, i'll say "ladies!"

Holemaster said...

He should have met at the airport if he really was a gent.


Gusset... sniff.... blugh.

Rosie said...

right you are, Holemaster.