Got a golf umbrella? About to walk under some hoarding that the builders have kindly erected to keep you from being run over? Take the umbrella down. You won't fit. Trust me, I've seen some other retard do it every day this week.
Carrying an umbrella that's just a bouquet of broken wires and torn canvas will not keep you dry. It will, however, take someone's eye out at the traffic lights.
Allow for the fact that your umbrella means you occupy at least twice the space you normally do on the footpath. Move the fuck over, and don't knock me into the canal.
Share. Don't just let your umbrella dribble onto the poor umbrellaless unfortunate keeping pace with you.
Tilt your brolly to one side when you're passing someone on a narrow path, or -better still- have some fucking manners and step aside. Don't hide your face behind it and plough on remorselessly. Chances are, they're doing the same.
If the rain should ease off, follow Sherri's instruction.
And finally: Do tilt your brolly back and give a big beaming smile to someone if you like the look of them from the brolly down. It'll cost you nothing and it'll brighten up their shitty wet morning. Especially if you're a handsome suit, and the someone is me. (Cheers, mister!)
