I got up this morning and dressed like a grown-up in anticipation of a half-day's work to be spent in the company of actual real-life adults. Tidyish hair, make-up, the whole nine yards - my one concession to whimsy were my white shoes with black tights, but you'd hardly notice. All of this primping and preening meant that I was running a little late, so there was a mild sense of panic when I did my usual root around in my cavernous handbag ("phone, wallet, keys, cigarettes...") and failed to find my wallet. Cue a frantic search of my pockets, the floor, the bin, the fridge (it's happened) but all to no avail. I mentally retraced my steps to the Ben & Jerry's counter in the cinema the night before, remembered stuffing the wallet clumsily into my coat pocket as I juggled the ice-cream, coat, scarf, handbag and tickets. And dropping the coat on the floor as I got out of my seat after the film. Fuck.
I never have cash, by dint of being both poverty-stricken and allergic to ATM queues. But I'd just been reimbursed for €240 worth of expenses. In cash.
After eleventy billion hours of muddling through various options on the cinema's automated phoneline (the recorded voice eventually adopting an exasperated tone, asking "What service would you like?" at which I barked "fucking OPERATOR!" for the millionth time) I was eventually put through to a nice lady called Janine somewhere in the UK, who eventually put me through to a nice lady called Gráinne in Dublin, who said she'd call me back.
I called the office to let them know that I had in fact done something stupid and would not be joining the adults after all, and then sat and waited for Gráinne to call.
Half an hour later she did. They'd found it. I didn't dare ask if there was anything actually in it, instead I gibbered at her about how I'd be over immediately. I picked up my bag and coat and hot-footed it to the bus stop, which was when I realised that I didn't have any money to get a bus because I had lost my fucking wallet.
Three quarters of an hour later I arrived flushed and anxious at the cinema, where a smiling manager presented me with my wallet, plastic fantastics and cash intact. I was so grateful that I made to kiss her, but she was having none of it.
May karma reward whoever handed it in. They made my day.
I never have cash, by dint of being both poverty-stricken and allergic to ATM queues. But I'd just been reimbursed for €240 worth of expenses. In cash.
After eleventy billion hours of muddling through various options on the cinema's automated phoneline (the recorded voice eventually adopting an exasperated tone, asking "What service would you like?" at which I barked "fucking OPERATOR!" for the millionth time) I was eventually put through to a nice lady called Janine somewhere in the UK, who eventually put me through to a nice lady called Gráinne in Dublin, who said she'd call me back.
I called the office to let them know that I had in fact done something stupid and would not be joining the adults after all, and then sat and waited for Gráinne to call.
Half an hour later she did. They'd found it. I didn't dare ask if there was anything actually in it, instead I gibbered at her about how I'd be over immediately. I picked up my bag and coat and hot-footed it to the bus stop, which was when I realised that I didn't have any money to get a bus because I had lost my fucking wallet.
Three quarters of an hour later I arrived flushed and anxious at the cinema, where a smiling manager presented me with my wallet, plastic fantastics and cash intact. I was so grateful that I made to kiss her, but she was having none of it.
May karma reward whoever handed it in. They made my day.
