After my recent hair-raising tale I've been inspired to share another hirsute horror story with you. It's long enough ago for me to laugh at it now. Just about.
For years I've had patches of psoriasis on my scalp. I've found that what works best for me is the occasional application of a coal tar pomade, which is every bit as unattractive as it sounds. It's a thick, sticky brownish goo, it smells like old person's soap but does the trick if applied before bedtime and washed out in the morning. I'd run out of the offending substance and high-hoed to the chemist's to get some, planning on having shining tresses for the following evening's trip to London. I went home, smeared it in, wrapped my hair (which was lovely and long at the time) in a turban and went to bed. The following morning I got up early and washed it, as usual, but it wouldn't wash out. In fact, I couldn't get the shampoo to lather. So I washed it again. And again. And again.
Four washes, and still not so much as a bubble from the shampoo, despite all of my exertions. I emerged prune-fingered and raging from the shower to reexamine the container my coal tar goo had come in. Only to discover that it was not in fact my coal tar goo. The pharmacist had given me the wrong stuff; this was some kind of petroleum jelly based unguent. I had smeared my hair in Vaseline and left it to soak in overnight.
I scraped it up into a sloppy, sticky bun and stormed down to the chemist's to demand an apology and a miracle solution. The assistant helpfully suggested that I try wearing it in a "wet look style" for a few days. I punched her on the nose and stormed off home to call the hairdressers.
They advised me to put talcum powder in it to soak up the excess grease, and then to try washing it again. My sister was drafted in and we spent an unhappy hour making a hair, Vaseline and Johnson's Baby Powder paste. Three goes of this (that's seven washes now) and still no progress so I called up to the salon to see if they could do anything more. They applied some kind of nail varnish remover solution to my hair that they usually use to remove years of Dax Wax from pimply men's hair and left me under one of those space helmet dryers for a half hour before washing it another three times, and then spent a fucking lifetime trying to blowdry it. "It'll take maybe a week or two to get back to normal" the hairdresser sympathised. "It's nice and soft though..." she trailed off, hopefully.
Thankfully greasy looking fuckers were all the rage in Brixton Academy that night. Though it took weeks for my curls to come back.
For years I've had patches of psoriasis on my scalp. I've found that what works best for me is the occasional application of a coal tar pomade, which is every bit as unattractive as it sounds. It's a thick, sticky brownish goo, it smells like old person's soap but does the trick if applied before bedtime and washed out in the morning. I'd run out of the offending substance and high-hoed to the chemist's to get some, planning on having shining tresses for the following evening's trip to London. I went home, smeared it in, wrapped my hair (which was lovely and long at the time) in a turban and went to bed. The following morning I got up early and washed it, as usual, but it wouldn't wash out. In fact, I couldn't get the shampoo to lather. So I washed it again. And again. And again.
Four washes, and still not so much as a bubble from the shampoo, despite all of my exertions. I emerged prune-fingered and raging from the shower to reexamine the container my coal tar goo had come in. Only to discover that it was not in fact my coal tar goo. The pharmacist had given me the wrong stuff; this was some kind of petroleum jelly based unguent. I had smeared my hair in Vaseline and left it to soak in overnight.
I scraped it up into a sloppy, sticky bun and stormed down to the chemist's to demand an apology and a miracle solution. The assistant helpfully suggested that I try wearing it in a "wet look style" for a few days. I punched her on the nose and stormed off home to call the hairdressers.
They advised me to put talcum powder in it to soak up the excess grease, and then to try washing it again. My sister was drafted in and we spent an unhappy hour making a hair, Vaseline and Johnson's Baby Powder paste. Three goes of this (that's seven washes now) and still no progress so I called up to the salon to see if they could do anything more. They applied some kind of nail varnish remover solution to my hair that they usually use to remove years of Dax Wax from pimply men's hair and left me under one of those space helmet dryers for a half hour before washing it another three times, and then spent a fucking lifetime trying to blowdry it. "It'll take maybe a week or two to get back to normal" the hairdresser sympathised. "It's nice and soft though..." she trailed off, hopefully.
Thankfully greasy looking fuckers were all the rage in Brixton Academy that night. Though it took weeks for my curls to come back.
