It's not that I spend a lot of time in the bathrooms at work. But it's nice to get away from the desk now and then. To sit somewhere quiet, to pick my nose in peace.
We have two bathrooms, one with two chipboard stalls and a liver-spotted mirror and the other with a picture of a wheelchair on the door. I use the latter. It's roomy and sparsely furnished; a sink, a toilet and a low mirror, perfect for admiring how your knickers sit just so under your bellyfat as you button up your jeans. It has a toilet roll dispenser that dispenses institution-grade toilet roll, stiff enough to scratch your arse and soft enough to put your finger through. There's no toilet brush or air-freshener, but on the shoulder-high sill sits a bottle of perfume labelled "Age & Opportunity". It smells like something a gamey oul' wan might go for.
I'd been there two months before I realised that "Age & Opportunity" is the office upstairs. To pass them in the hallways, you'd think their shit smelled of currant cake. Turns out it's Ralph Lauren's Glamourous. It contains a rich blend of pearl flowers, plumeria, lily, ginger flowers, tuberose, Siam wood, Cashmere musk, clementine and an extra U in the spelling to confuse Americans. "It's a perfume to get you noticed by women, men, dogs and children!" enthused one online reviewer. "It's a scent stronger than shite and a sight more expensive than Glade!" enthuses this one.
We have two bathrooms, one with two chipboard stalls and a liver-spotted mirror and the other with a picture of a wheelchair on the door. I use the latter. It's roomy and sparsely furnished; a sink, a toilet and a low mirror, perfect for admiring how your knickers sit just so under your bellyfat as you button up your jeans. It has a toilet roll dispenser that dispenses institution-grade toilet roll, stiff enough to scratch your arse and soft enough to put your finger through. There's no toilet brush or air-freshener, but on the shoulder-high sill sits a bottle of perfume labelled "Age & Opportunity". It smells like something a gamey oul' wan might go for.
I'd been there two months before I realised that "Age & Opportunity" is the office upstairs. To pass them in the hallways, you'd think their shit smelled of currant cake. Turns out it's Ralph Lauren's Glamourous. It contains a rich blend of pearl flowers, plumeria, lily, ginger flowers, tuberose, Siam wood, Cashmere musk, clementine and an extra U in the spelling to confuse Americans. "It's a perfume to get you noticed by women, men, dogs and children!" enthused one online reviewer. "It's a scent stronger than shite and a sight more expensive than Glade!" enthuses this one.
